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Brain Barf Ep.1

1. Main Phir Bhi Tumko Chahunga? But why? Didn't she clearly tell you that she is not interested in you nor will she ever be. Let's welcome the new catchy motto for the roadside romeos. I blame Arijit Singh, that voice sure does convince and brainwash.

2. The ransomware attack was crazy enough without the influx of Whatsapp forward messages. UNESCO declared that the family group messages have cured and reversed the attack and now thanks to Modi ji we will all receive 100 rupees Paytm cash for every forward. Don't forget to link your aadhaar card.

3. Baahubali 2 : A feminist Princess, a flawed Queen, a warrior's battle with righteousness, the tale of two brothers and so much more wrapped up with great storytelling, captivating visuals and a bit of cringe factor for good measure. I might only remember the 1400 crores that the movie seems to have made.

4. I managed to convince myself that given enough time with me, anyone and everyone will hate me. Even if I manage to turn t…

Winged eyeliner

My hands never shiver, ever. Not when I gave my all India finale dance performance, not when I gave my job interview, not even when I gave a blood sample for a viral fever test. But they shiver like a goddamn newborn goat every time I apply eyeliner.

My mom always told me I had very less patience and my botched attempts at this pretty fad echo her views. I do try, I genuinely give it my all. But there's only so much a cotton ball can wipe off without mocking me.

My best friend recently told me I am a very good person. It genuinely shocked me because I never heard anyone say it out loud to me. I always felt like the annoying one, forever in the way. Insignificant. Insecure. It's funny because I usually don't let it show. I have a full blown well rehearsed routine of false confidence. But her compliment shook me. It shook the pretense right off.

Am I a good person? 
Maybe I needed to be reminded that I am. 

When life knocks you over, again and again, you kind of start assuming th…

Woman

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Wide and expressive eyes stare up at the new parents. Today, they were reborn because of their little baby girl.
Amid her pink clothes, she picks out a black dress for her first day of school. Amma asks why, she says "Not favorite colours are good too!"
The new boy with the curly hair and blue spectacles was sitting in the corner of the class, she sits next to him and opens her lunch box. New friendship was never this adorable.
She picked up her tennis racket and aimed for the ball coming her way. BAM! The doctor smiled at her spirit as he wrote her the prescription.
School was finally over. She couldn't decide what she missed the most - the classroom, Lakshmi ma'am or her classmate's cute smile every time she looked at him.
Her first pair of spectacles were an interesting addition to her selfies. She wondered whether her parents knew she got them due to her smartphone, not her books. They did know.
Her Facebook statuses may not have reached the people she put them up …

Scroll, See, Scroll

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Is it just me or is social media turning into a goddamn minesweeper game these days!? You never know what you'll click and embarrass the hell out of yourself by liking a frenemy's picture. Now you have to move to Utah, change your name and live as a lamp.
Apparently, you gotta keep an eye on the posts you are liking, who they belong to. It's almost like people have their friggin cold wars up in here- just two groups not liking each other's posts on the feed but actively noting what the other party is doing and uploading cryptic statuses to throw major shade.
You know what I do to keep this shit away from my life? I friggin block the hell out of those people! If you don't want to be friends with someone in real life, don't be friends with them on social media. This may sound super lame and obvious but a lot of us forget to do it. The only thing you get by letting your frenemies be your friends on social media is your growing obsession with them. 
"Did they see…

Get shit done!

Child prodigies, teen superstars, young entrepreneurs and all the other people who tasted success at an early age were all much younger than I am now, when they started!

I, like everyone else had a dream. I wanted to be a beauty pageant winner, a scientist, a politician, a journalist, an author and finally settled to wanting to be someone who'd be able to afford the lifestyle she always wanted. That's how goals are set these days, right?
But here I am, in the final year of my graduation with nothing but a head buzzing with ideas, regrets and what-ifs. I wanted to have published my first book by now an all I'm left with is a word document that gets regularly sent in and out of the recycle bin.
Do you have regrets too? Do you wish you were more productive? Because I do, and it kills me every waking minute.

Is it too late? No.

It's leap year's day and Facebook told me to make the most of it. I may not have a squad to party with, but I have goals. So I've decided to sta…

Love yourself(ie)

When people ask me to describe myself in three words, the first that comes to my mind is insecure. I am insecure, funny and emotional. It sounds pretty grim when its put like that but trust me, its not too bad. Only that I over analyze every component of my life, compare myself to others, feel like a piece of shit and continue to laugh at myself as I drown in a pool of tears. See, I told you its not that bad.

Ironically to many people my self obsession comes across as vanity and overconfidence. Yes, I do look at the mirror a million times, but every time I do, I only see my flaws. I look like a potato- a huge, misshapen potato. No worries, I love potatoes.

As a kid, I thought I'd have my whole life figured out by the time I turn 21. That happened a couple of weeks ago and I couldn't be more disappointed. It was a wake up call of some sort, I had to change things up. These are the days I will be looking back at decades from now with nostalgia and hopefully, pride.

But, I'm not…

Hashtag SeLfIeEe

Her fingers started twitching, she couldn't resist it anymore. she wiped the sweat off her forehead and picked her phone up but couldn't muster the courage to unlock it.
Scary thoughts crawled through her head as she wondered what's going on. A shiver ran through her and she gulped.

Eyes closed, she finally took the plunge and opened Facebook. There her picture was - 2 likes, posted 2 hours ago. An involuntary sob escaped her throat. She tried to compose herself, but it hurt too much to pretend. As she refreshed it, a part of her hoped for a miracle. But, this was real life. No miracles happened.

She never understood what she did wrong. She pouted for the picture, puffed her cheeks up and always chose a top angle, she edited it on YouCam and completely blurred her skin out and added a couple of filters for good measure, she captioned it with a quote from Marilyn Monroe and hashtagged it properly. It went something like this "#SeLfIeee #SmIlEzZ #LoVeLy #HaPpPpYmE #NoMaKeU…